Like a stone

in your house i long to be
room by room patiently
I'll wait for you there
like a stone I'll wait for you there
alone

"When we first met, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I didn’t have the time or energy, and I wasn’t sure that I was ready for it. But you were so good to me, and I got swept up in that. And little by little, I found myself falling in love with you."

-Nicolas Sparks

Took the words right out of my mouth. Hopefully I will have the guts to tell him this before we part ways.

Rut

I've been stuck in such a rut lately. I'm completely unmotivated about school, mainly because I'm stuck at a county college when I should be away at a four university. But I rather not get into that. All that matters is that I will be going away this upcoming fall if everything goes according to plan. It's just disappointing that I can't enjoy my time here now cause I'm so incredibly stressed. Ugh!

To do

Your old enough to be my father...

I don't know what it is, but older men love me. I went out to the bar last night and did I have anyone around my age hit on me? No. They all were in the mid to late 30s.I wasn't even dressed slutty like the rest of the girls there with their boobs all out and about. I seriously wanted to be like, I'm 19 and this is weird. But they kept feeding me drinks so who was I to complain. Story of my life...

To do

So I was really bored on day and made a list of all the random stuff I would like to do this year and I decided to have pictures to go along with them. So to whomever is reading it this is my explanation for these pictures I will sporadically post. That being said, here is the first one.

Run

"I would have stayed up all night to try to ease your mind."
God damn it, don't tell me that. Can't he see I'm trying to walk away?
I can't fall for him even though I already am.
He said he didn't want to hurt me and  I told him I would walk away before he could.
So here I am, no longer walking but running. But he's always gotta say something that will make me turn around.

Misery loves company

For the first time in my life, I didn't want to be crying alone. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I could have laid there with him and let it all out but something inside of me screamed for me to leave. I guess to see if he would fallow or hold me tighter so I wouldn't go. But he didn't move or say a thing. He just watched me as I stumbled around for my clothes and shakily reach for the door. All I could say was "I'm sorry." as I walked out and I shut the door before he could utter anything.
I guess this is what I needed. Because if he were to show me that he really cares then it would make it that much harder for me to leave in the fall (And I'm hoping to God that works out).
I'm just tired of feeling so alone.

If I could be anywhere in the world, it would be here.

Happily ever after?

It's funny how a majority of women allow themselves to get attached to men who clearly do not want the same thing as they do. They hold on to this illusion that one day maybe he will come around and they can live happily ever after. Sure in some cases that may have worked, but 9 times out of 10 it doesn't. I used to think I wasn't one of those women, that I was smart enough to walk away before I was in too deep, and for a while I was able to do that. Now I've met my match, someone who I get along with effortlessly. Someone who I tried to walk away from but he wouldn't let me. Someone who led me to think that there was hope for us. Someone who is exactly 7 years older than me. He's already settling into his career while I still can't even figure out what to wear in the morning. We are both at different points in out lives and for whatever reason, we work as whatever it is we are at the moment. But I can't do it anymore. I'm falling for him. I'm seriously considering walking away for good this time. Just typing this out and me rereading it puts my stomach in knots. I'm just going to leave it at that.